Last week, I had a fascinating conversation with Joe, a free spirit at heart who is building his own service-based business. We spoke about the four core capacities people with big dreams need to achieve their goals in a sustainable and joyful way. Have a look here 👇🏼
The G.O.A.L. Skillset – The four capacities people with big dreams need to achieve their goals sustainably and joyfully.
I asked him,
“Which of these skills have you already developed? Which one is the least developed or missing?”
I found his answers fascinating. His first reaction was that he was missing most the skill to act:
“I haven’t been in action enough lately; I should share something on Instagram but I don’t dare to and have been putting it off,” he said.
The next day, Joe sent me another voice message with a beautiful realization:
“Oh, shoot! I actually made a list of actions I’ve been taking, and it’s kind of extensive. It’s just that none of them has really felt like effort. Apart from sharing a video on Instagram where I felt resistance. I wonder if I’ve just built up this idea that actions should be hard and super visible or impactful, or involve a laptop.
This message was so beautiful and powerful. I want to use it to illustrate to you the interconnection of the four capacities of the G.O.A.L. Skillset:
🎬 ACT:
Oftentimes, this is the skill that people who want to make a living out of their passion focus on the most. For different reasons, my clients often feel a shortcoming in this capacity and wish to be more in action. Often this is because:
- They don’t dare to take action as they feel scared to “put themselves out there” and communicate what they do. Joe’s resistance to sharing on Instagram illustrates this wonderfully.
- They have learned to judge and be critical of themselves. They are more prone to seeing what still needs doing and where they fall short than what they have already done. This is at the base of Joe’s “work is hard” misunderstanding. Then, they either don’t see all the progress they have already made because “it’s still not enough”. And/or they resist taking action because “it’s going to be hard”.
🧘♂️ OBSERVE:
In the example above, Joe noticed in hindsight that he was judging himself and was merely focused on what he hadn’t done yet. Most of our minds are programmed this way. Our subconscious believes that judging ourselves will motivate us to take action. Most of our minds also believe that work is hard. Being AWARE of this conditioning was key for him to wake up to the truth that in fact, he had already done a lot and that work doesn’t need to feel hard.
❤️ LOVE:
The capacity to love yourself is the secret sauce to becoming successful. Why? Often, we believe that success will give us something we don’t already have:
“When I have achieved my goal, then I can relax, then I can be free, then people will look up to me or like me”.
Try it on yourself and see what your “when … then…” statement is. All these sentences are symptoms of you not fully liking yourself as you are now, of you not feeling worthy. And guess what we do when we live out of this place of not loving ourselves? Right, we criticize and judge ourselves and feel anxious when we realize that we are still not doing enough. So lack of self-love is at the core of both stories: the “I haven’t been enough in action” and the “It’s going to be hard work”.
🌳 GROUND:
Now, this one is subtle. Often my clients have heard the least about this skill. That action is needed to become successful is obvious. Nowadays, mindfulness is trending as useful for self-employment. When I mention self-love, people often experience a bit of a cringe moment, but they have already heard of it. But grounding?! What’s that and why is that important? Let’s look at the example above. Both stories that Joe described are reactions of the nervous system. The “I am not doing enough” can show up in either:
- Acting like crazy but without sense (that is the fight response of the nervous system).
- Procrastinating (that is a flight response of the nervous system) or
- Not doing anything at all but watching Netflix (that is the freeze response of the nervous system).
The nervous system has an influence on all that we do, think, or feel. More on that in upcoming emails.
✨✨✨✨✨✨
So let’s sum this up: all these 4 skills are useful and powerful if you want to move from your 9-5 to make a REAL living out of your passion.
One last thing before I hit “send”: when Joe was in balance with these four skills, taking action didn’t feel hard anymore. Instead, it felt natural and joyful.
So if there is anything at the moment that feels “hard”, go ahead and ask yourself,
“Which of the four G.O.A.L skills do I need to live out more? Which one is the least developed or am I missing?”
I’d LOVE to read what comes out of this reflection, so feel free to comment below and let me know.
With lots of love and care,
Marlene
